Script Changes | Development ~ PP

After the rough cut, there were quite a few changes that had to be made to the script. They were all necessary to get the narrative as factual as possible.

Prisoner of War, Ship Model

When mentioning what the prisoners do as jobs on the Hulks ship, to the last sentence I added the words in red:

"and other's crafted models to sell to earn money"

By having this in there, I think it clearly tells the audience that was the purpose of them doing the jobs and crafting the models, instead of just doing it for fun.

Revolving around the same topic instead of the line "This model was made by the Prisoners as a memorial to those who were kept on the Hulks." which is said during the carving visuals, I have changed it to:

"The model was commissioned by a local person directly from a prisoner of war."

This sentence speaks more truth than the previous one, and this is something Jeremy suggested as well, so I know it is now factual which is what I wanted the narrative to be.

Below is the final draft of this video's script:

Sir Cloudesley's Silver Plate

There were quite a few changes made to some of the sentences in this video, but it needed to be done to keep the accuracy of the facts and the story. 

As mentioned before the line "...he served as a Member of Parliament for Rochester in 1695." has been changed to:

"...for Rochester from 1695." as it is more factual. 

Another line that has been changed is "Sir Cloudesley's Flag Ship set sail for England in 1707." It now says:

 "Sir Cloudesley's Flag Ship was returning to England with his fleet in 1707". 

This new constructed sentence, with help from Jeremy, gives more of a background to the story and sets the scene in a clearer way.

Following the line "The storm was so bad the ship didn't make it." I have added:

"The flagship along with 5 others crashed into the Gilstone Rocks..."

I thought this was a good addition as, again, it sets the scene and it is more factual. I found out about this information from Jeremy during our rough cut viewing, and decided to add it in as it was quite an important part to the story.

And as mentioned before, I added:

"...sitting proudly in the Court Hall at Rochester Guildhall Museum, along with Sir Cloudesley's..."

I did this to make it clear to the audience that, that is where you can find the object. I also added the word "Sir" overtime before saying "Cloudesley" as it's more respectful, and this is something Rachel wanted within the narrative.

Below is the final draft of this videos script:

Charles Dickens' Paperweight

There weren't any script changes to this script.

Below is the final draft of this videos script:

I am happy with all of the changes that were made to all three scripts throughout the process of the video, and I think the new additions work really well.