Sir Cloudesley Shovell's Silver Plate
During the animation, the line "Along with the Ship sinking, the silver plate followed" needs to be adjusted as it wasn't just the silver plate that sunk. I have changed this line so it now says "Along with Ship sinking, the silver plate followed with the rest of Sir Cloudesley's possessions."
Another line in the animation, "Shovell's plate spent it's time in the sea, rotting away and bending into weird positions." needs to be changed, as the plate didn't really rot away and it probably wouldn't have bended either.
Instead I have come up with a new way of wording this sentence, after hearing what Steve had said about the plate. "Shovell's plate spent it's times in the sea, pummelled into tides and bashing into rocks." This is the new sentence and actually I think it works and sounds a lot better.
Everything else in the script sounded good to them and it was all factually correct.
Prisoner of War, Ship Model
During the description of the hulks ship, the line "A feature of the Medway History. Dark, damp and cold with flies and bugs exploring the place." needs to be changed, or at least one word needs to be changed. Instead of the word "exploring" I have changed it to "infesting" as it suits better when talking about bugs and flies.
There are two lines when talking about what the prisoners did for work, and they need to be adjusted slightly. The first line was originally "Some were sent to improve the river" but it has been changed to "Some were sent to do hard labour by the river". And the second line was originally "some protected the riverbanks from erosion" but it's been changed to "some worked on the river defences".
There has been a change of wording for the introduction of the model. At first it was "The Prisoner of War...Ship Bone Model" but now with some guidance from Steve it is "The Prison Work...Bone Ship Model".
Other changes include saying the model is made out of wood and covered in bone plates rather than made out of bones, and bronze alloy cannons instead of copper.
The ending quote was originally "The Prisoner of War Ship Model, a staple in the History of Medway" but it needed to be changed as that it wasn't very accurate. After some deliberation I have changed it to "The Prisoner of War Ship Model, a powerful image of imprisonment on the River Medway.". I think this sentence is a nicer way to end the video and it's more factual and accurate than the other sentence I had come up with previously.
Everything else seems to be okay and Steve and Rachel are happy with the script.
Charles Dickens' Paperweight
Due to the voice overs in this video being quotes from Charles Dickens, there wasn't many changes that were made. However, there was one change to the last quote. Rachel suggested getting a quote about Rochester itself from 'Great Expectations' or an ending quote from the same book, as the majority of that book is based on Rochester and it made sense.
The quote that I found to use is "The sky was blue, the larks were soaring high over the green corn, I thought all that countryside more beautiful and peaceful by far than I had ever known it to be yet." This quote is one of the last lines you read in 'Great Expectations' and I thought it was a nice way to end the video.
I'm happy that Rachel, Steve and Jeremy all liked the scripts and I'm happy with the changes that have been made.
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