Script Changes #2 | Development

After our feedback from Simon, myself and Laura sat together and started thinking about the two new scenes we had to add, and the improvements we had to make.

We started by adding the new teaser scenes. The first one was the social gathering, in which we decided to make it a conference room where they are celebrating the release of Marie's first or new fashion magazine. Annie & Dean were obviously invited being her parents, but they do something embarrassing and Marie tells them to get out and that she never wants to see them again.
To start this scene, I decided to write the whole scene out so I knew the whole situation and what embarrassing thing Annie & Dean were doing. I then deleted the first half of the scene, so the teaser actually started with the aftermath of the chaos. This was something that Simon suggested we do as it highlights the embarrassment Marie feels towards her parents, and it's a really good way to start the show. This scene ended up being just over 1 page.
The next scene was the bed scene that Simon suggest we add in. Instead of the scene taking place with the characters in bed, we decided it work better and feel less awkward if the scene was set in a car instead. At this point, the characters are taking about what has just happened and Annie is looking through a magazine, which is where they come with the idea of becoming young and famous. This scene is just under 1 page, making the teaser about 2 pages.

We then deleted the Claire scene, and had the clock scene before the Jordan Hamsay scene. To transition this we added a line of dialogue for Annie saying "Where's the stupid off button?" which is where she is turning Arnold around, clearly looking for the off button. Then after cutting to a scene of Dean getting his cookies out of the oven, Annie spots the film crew walking past the window and calls out to Dean to get the door. This then leads into Jordan Hamsay's scene.
Within that scene, we've added Marie's appearance just after Jordan puking, and once he's gone she expresses her disappointment about the situation. The scene then ends with both characters feeling quite defeated, but Dean not wanting to give up. We also added a newspaper effect at the end of the scene to round the whole episode to an end, and express the disappointment of Dean's failed cookies.

I think by making these changes it has given the story a little more detail and more structure, and it definitely makes the problem clearer. I do think there's still room for improvement, but we'll see what Simon says about these new changes.

Role of Director | Research

One of my roles during the project as directing throughout pre-production, production and post-production. Before I start writing my directors statement and making decisions on this project, I wanted to do some research on the role of a director.

The range of the director's tasks is quite broad and involves quite a lot of coordinating creative actives throughout the whole course of production - pre-production, production, post-production & marketing the final project. The director liaises with multiple roles within the process, and will deliberate over ideas and options, which will eventually lead to a decision being made by the director as to what will actually be produced. One of the most important things they do is make sure the production runs smoothing and within the allotted budget given.
Therefore, technically the director has two jobs:

- Maintain a consistency of style and quality throughout the production.
- Ensure the the production proceeds efficiently and economically.

During the pre-production stage, the director has 4 main tasks, alongside minor ones.

1. Collaborating with the writer(s) on the development of the script.
2. Helping the casting director in hiring actors appropriate for the jobs, and arranging rehearsals.
3. Working with the producer(s) in developing a shooting schedule for the production days.
4. Planning the overall visual "look" of the film with the production designers and DOP (director of Photography).

As I am one of the writers, it will be easier for me in terms of the development of the script and knowing when blocking needs to change, depending on the locations. Since theres only three roles within our project, we have decided to all be involved in the audition process. I will be there looking for good actors for the specific roles, Laura will find the actors and will be looking for if they are practically good for the role, and Nisserin will be looking for watchable performances and if the actors are good on camera or not. I will be working with Laura for the schedule, and make overall visual and content decisions on the project.

During the production stage, so the actual shot, the director has to do a lot of multitasking to make sure that all of the tasks are being done in a good manner and solving any problems that may occur. The director works with the DOP in supervising the set up of the lighting and camera equipment, making sure they are in the correct places. Then the director needs to review the shots on the cameras and make sure they are all as they should be, along with making sure the set is set up properly. I'll check with Nisserin on the camera shots that will be shot and we'll both make sure that the cameras are where they should be. The director must then block with the actors, and tell them where they should be standing and what action to be doing when. This stage is usually done with the AD in the production, but as we don't have an AD in our project, it will be my job to block the actors. The director's main job on the day is to give the actors direction and instructions when they are delivering the character's role, to ensure that the character is portrayed correctly and they are doing the right action.

Then during post-production, the director will work alongside the editor, and make sure it is edited in the right way. They will give suggestions and an overall brief to the editor, and then they will change certain aspects of the edit if needed.

As a director for our project, I will need to make sure that I am happy with the overall decisions that I make on the visual look of the show and the content. I will also be working alongside both Nisserin and Laura in specific jobs. I'll work with Nisserin when creating the storyboard and shot list, and when we block all of the scenes in the location we will be using. We'll also work together in the sense that I will tell her my wants and desires for the visuals of the show, and Nisserin will make it happen. I'll work with Laura when finding actors and deciding who will be playing what character, and also in deciding what location to use for each scene. I'll also make sure the schedule we make together is always updated and everyone is sure about what is planned for our project, and they know what they are doing on the day.

Through previous directing jobs, over the years, I have improved with skill and I feel confident that I know what I and doing going into this project. I am adamant that I will make sure everyone is confident with what they are doing, that way no one is confused and everything runs smoothly. I am looking forward to this whole process, and I think everyone will stay on top of their own jobs, so the outcome will be successful.

http://www.filmreference.com/encyclopedia/Criticism-Ideology/Direction-RESPONSIBILITIES.html

Script Draft Two ~ Feedback | Tutorial #4

We recently had another tutorial with Simon, highlighting feedback from our 2nd draft of the script.

He liked the idea of the teaser scene but it needed to include the children more. He said we needed to start the episode with 'blocking the children', so maybe a scene where Annie & Dean are embarrassing, which is the reason why the children have blocked them from their lives.
He suggested having a party scene, or some sort of social event, where the two main characters ruin the party and that ends in the children telling them they don't want to see them anymore.
He also suggested having a new scene after this one that shows the couple distraught so the audience have a chance to feel sorry for them and their situation. He had the thought that maybe they could be in bed, which you see quite a lot of within sitcoms, and that's usually where couples haver serious conversations. We all liked the idea of these two additional scenes, but we need to figure out how we're going to write those scenarios and Laura is going to produce them.

One of the character's he wants us to drop is Claire. He feels that her scene doesn't really do much in the episode, and it doesn't help develop our story any further. We're going to keep Claire in the overall series, because some of the other episodes involve her, but we all agree that she should be dropped from the pilot. Some characters/extras he wants to add into the pilot, however, is a film crew. So far, when Jordan Hamsay arrives at the house it's just him, but it might be effective to have him arrive with a film crew. This creates the sense of them becoming famous and being featured on TV, while not surrounding the whole episode around this. We all agree this would be a really nice touch, and we could think of some creative shots with the film crew cameras throughout production as well.

In that same scene, he thought it would be a nice idea for the children to come over to the house at the  same moment that Jordan is puking up the cookies. Perhaps the children have come to apologise and feel guilty, but after seeing the Jordan situation, they know that they made a mistake in coming to apologise.

A small detail that will introduce the modern world within the episode, is instead of the delivery man handing Dean a clipboard and pen, he hands him an electronic device to sign for the package. These days you usually sign for a parcel and a digital device with a stylus. This is something we will add to emphasise the modern day element of the show.



In developing the script, we will add those two extra scenes and get rid of the park scene in order to create a better sense of the problem throughout the episode and series. We are happy with the feedback we got back from Simon, and will start to improve our script through these changes.

Mrs Browns Boys | Research

Another one of our TV inspirations is Mrs Browns Boys, due to the comedy and content being quite similar to ours.

'Mrs Browns Boys' is a Sitcom that started broadcasting in 2011 and is still being broadcast now, on BBC One.

"Irish comedian Brendan O'Carroll stars as Agnes Brown in Mrs. Brown's Boys. Ireland's funniest and proudest mother, Agnes Brown, is a foul-mouthed Dublin matriarch who interferes in the lives of her children and friends."

"The theatre show Mrs. Brown's Boys has been a sell-out success for a number of years in Ireland and the north of Britain, and this series, specially written by Brendan for the BBC, is jam-packed with all the laughs, surprises and drama of Mrs Brown on stage. Prepare for a riot of bed behaviour as Agnes offers help and advice to her family and friends."

The content in this show is full of comedic moments but with a few sentimental moments along the way. One of the funniest aspects of the show, is the main character being a male dressed up as a female, in a comedic way. This obviously doesn't relate to our show, but the main characters will be where the comedy generates, which is similar to this show.
One of the aspects that we want to interpret into our own work is the relationship between the neighbours, or in the case of Mrs Browns Boys, the family. Within episode you will see family members, friends and neighbours always popping into Mrs Browns house, sometimes in impractical moments. This is an aspect we want in our series - within every episode, at least one of the neighbours will pop round to Annie & Dean's house and either cause chaos or aid them in reaching they goal. We think this aspect of the content is quite funny, and within our show, we think it will be a good way of developing the story and the comedy element.

This show not only carries funny elements, they also touch up on some sentimental topics surrounding family. This is similar to our show, due to the failing relationship Annie & Dean have with their children. Even though we want the comedy to carry throughout every episode, we also want some sentimental or sad moments where the characters feel defeated. This will vary the emotions seen on screen, which will hopefully help the audience connect, in a deeper and relatable way, to our characters.

Another aspect that we want to have in our show, is the feelings the audience have with all of the characters seen on screen. In Mrs Browns Boys, it seems that every character has been explored to the point that the audience have created their opinions on them. This means that the audience like either all or certain characters, and have a variety of emotions towards them, creating a better love and interest in the show. We want all of our characters to be loved or have an impact on the audience, as we want them to be relatable and we want the audience to feel a fun connection with the show.

By having this show influence our content and comedy, I think the outcome of our script and story will be a good one and the comedy will hopefully be clear.

Treatment Planning | Development & Research

As well as our pilot script, we wanted to write treatments for the other episodes in our 6 part series. Before starting this process, however, I wanted to do some research so we knew what to include and how to set it our effectively.

"The word 'Treatment' is used interchangeably and doesn't always mean the same thing."

Some treatments are designed to help sell an idea and are so times accompanied by a script. Others are part of the production process. The main difference between the two different treatments is the size of them. Production purpose treatments are a lot longer and include a more detailed scene-by-scene breakdown, whereas treatments that aid in selling ideas can be little more than a one page summary. There isn't a set layout to what a treatment for a TV series should contain, but it needs to have a clear understanding of the basic storyline, setting and the main characters involved.
A treatments would normally contain:

• Title - a good title is often a sign of a solid idea.
• Logline - a powerful one or two-sentence statement of the idea being proposed.
• Synopsis - a three paragraph synopsis outlining the idea in more detail.
• Episodes - a three of four page episode storyline summary.
• Characters - a short descriptive outline for each of the main characters.
• Script(s) - one or two episode scripts, however this isn't necessary.

For our own treatments, we have decided to include the synopsis of each episode, a list of locations & characters needed for the episode, and a scene breakdown. I think having these elements will help get the episode across and will help make the series feel more real and viable.

https://www.writing.ie/resources/tv-treatments-what-they-are-and-why-you-need-one-part-1-of-2/

All three of us sat around and started discussing a plan for each 6 episodes of our series.

Episode 1: 'SON OF A BISCUIT' Pilot

Episode 2: 'FINDING ARNOLD' or 'WANTED ARNOLD'

• Annie sees a Kim K inspired celeb wearing a knitted scarf on Instagram.
• Jackie comes round, being competitive with knitting/cross stitching.
• Annie decides to make the largest scarf in the world.
• There is tension between Jackie and Annie.
• Jacob prefers Annie over Jackie.
• Annie is oblivious to Jackie's feelings towards her.
• Arnold goes missing.
• Dean finds him and becomes Betty's 'hero'
• Dean invites Brian to the search party, and he comes along.
• Brian's pub is the location where they come up with the plan for a search party.

Episode 3: 'DRESS FOR SUCCESS'

• Dress for Success (Say Yes to the Dress) inspired.
• Annie, Claire, Jacob, Jackie & Ashley are involved.
• Always looks at the camera - into the lens.
• Makes chaos - spills her champagne on a very expensive wedding dress - Blame it on Jackie.
• Gets the whole group kicked off the show.
• Annie acts like she knows everything about wedding dresses.
• Robert Antonio gets agitated and ends up having her take over.
• He get's really angry and quits.
• Next morning's newspaper headline is "Robert Antonio QUITS Dress for Success".
• All thanks to Annie.
• Dean get's asked by Betty to fix her leaky tap.
• He goes over and fixes it, but as he finished, something else breaks and he has to fix it.
• Turns out Betty is breaking everything on purpose just to spend time with him.

Episode 4: 'WATERPEBBLES'

• There's a competition at the local 'Waterpebbles' to write a book and get it published.
• Dean enters, wanting to write a book.
• He gets a head start on promotion so he makes posters and flyers for people within the village to see.
• He invites the grandkids to come.
• He gets an email, sees the subject of the email.
• "Congratulations...Waterpebbles competition".
• He thinks he's won.
• He turns up at 'Waterpebbles' for his signing, sits behind the desk waiting for people to arrive.
• No one turns up other than Betty.
• David arrives, being the one who won the competition and Dean has to go.
• Annie gets her hair cut by Jacob at the Farling Bay soon.
• Jacob invites Annie to DJ at his party.
• Annie gets the idea that it is a disco type party.
• Annie goes out to buy an outfit and sees Jackie at the shop.
• Jackie questions what she is doing, and gets annoyed when she says it's Jacob party and she isn't invited.
• Annie goes to the party to DJ and invites dean to come once his signing is over.
• He turns up in 80's outfit.
• Annie tells him to go home.
• Dean breaks down in Disco moves in the middle of the dance floor.

Episode 5: 'THE FART TOOTORIAL'

• Annie sees a Youtuber on the news.
• Asks Dean what that is, he doesn't know, so she researches.
• She finds YouTube and decides thats the way to become famous.
• Annie & Dean start a YouTube channel.
• They come across Betty's channel 'Arnold Vision' which is Arnold Cam.
• Videos:
• Make-Up Tutorial
• Cooking Prawns cooking video
• Yoga Workout
• Competitive of the videos they make separately.
• They make a video together - looking through photo album and it starts to become an emotional video.
• Dean farts in a really serious moment and brings all the views.
• One of their videos go viral.

Episode 6: 'CHRISTMAS MIRACLE' Season Finale

• Christmas Day.
• Marie calls up and drops out for Christmas Day.
• Village Christmas part.
• Couldn't find a venue, village hall closed to refurbishment/leak (it's not available)
• Claire comes over and cries about it.
• Now that Marie has cancelled on A & D, they offer their home for the venue in an attempt to restore their reputation.
• They go last minute Christmas shopping for decorations and food and stuff.
• The whole village (at least most of) turn up:
• Betty
• Claire & Ben
• David & Jackie
• Jacob
• Just as Dean is about to carve the turkey, the kids and grandkids turn up.
• They all break crackers and open presents.
• Annie and Dean look at each other in a grateful way.
• We did it.
• Annie takes a picture for Instagram.

With having our treatments for the episodes planned out, it means we can start writing them and getting a better feel of the other characters that aren't in the pilot episode.

We have split up the treatments between all there of us, so Nisserin will be writing the treatment for episode 2, I'm writing episodes 3 & 4, and Laura is writing episodes 5 & 6.

Script Draft #2 | Development

Here is the new 2nd draft of the script:

Script Changes | Development

Upon getting feedback from Simon on our first draft of the script, myself and Laura got together and thought about what we could do to add a problem to our story.

We started thinking of possible ways we could introduce the problem with the children and the grandchildren, and how to carry a problem throughout the episode. This was the result of our brainstorm:

We have decided to start the episode with a teaser, and this will be a new scene that I will add into the script. It will be set at the park, and the action will be Annie and Dean spying on their grandchildren to see what they are up to, since their children won't let them see them. The purpose of this is to introduce the idea that Annie & Dean's children don't want to see them, therefore they must become young and famous to get their attention back. This scene will only be about a page or two pages long, but it'll only be short, so the duration of the video doesn't increase.
We also discussed the idea of Annie failing at Instagram being a good problem for her to have. We thought she could have a few lines of dialogue discussing how she doesn't get it and feels like she is failing at keeping their children and grandchildren interested. This will be added throughout the episode, through some of both Annie & Dean's dialogue.
We also wanted to involve Instagram a bit more, so now Annie will take a picture of Claire crying during her rant, and Claire will teach her about hashtags to keep the aim of youthfulness alive. And along with that, this brings Annie more views on her video of Jordan Hamsay puking the cookies up, and therefore the children are more interested in their parents. The episode will then end with the children calling Annie & Dean up and asking them if they want to come over for Christmas.

We feel these new changes will make big impact on our script, and will help develop the story further. We have also changed some of the action, and the dialogue as Simon said in his feedback.